Never say Never... It Can Happen To You, I truly hope that it doesn't.

Mourning this guy for over 12 years.  I work and struggle (at times) to keep his memory alive.

Forever Missing and Grieving my eldest Son. Today is Sunday (grandparents day) 12 years ago. Even though tomorrow would actually be the date (September 12th); I am feeling the loss pretty intensely today. 

My thoughts and prayers go out to all of whom have lost a loved one; especially a child and/or a young adult. Grief, no matter the cause is excruciating and mind-jarring. You find a strength that you didn't even know you had; you have it for when you need it.

You NEVER want to MISS them! 

Even if you have had a great relationship, close to them, open and honest, friendly yet with parental pride... you can still lose them to themselves. I need to spread awareness about the stigmatic taboo of suicide. I advocate against suicide because I have lost numerous people... to themselves (suicide). My most traumatic loss has been the loss of my eldest son Tavin; hence the blog title: 

Tavin His Life Our Loss

Life for me after loss is tremendously painful! I choose to focus on other ways of "living" with my grief. If I go to that place in my brain that just bleeds with a longing to have my son back; I simply DO NOT function very well, as you can imagine or maybe you are going through this same loss. I do have days, weeks, months, and years that are not or have not necessarily been funny or positive as stated above. 

 

So, with that all said, I certainly hope everyone reads and enjoys my writings. My ultimate goal is to help others from feeling like they don't have a choice or think they can't go on after a loss. I will tell you it is excruciatingly difficult. However in time, with mental help and perseverance, you CAN get through it. Or at least function again.

StopSuicideOneStigmaAtATime

Read More On Another Blog...   

There are many different posts, and I hope they help.

https://letstalkjiveturkey.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-essentials-for-mental-health.html

 

WORDS MATTER: Words are your weapon, use them wisely. One positive word at a time.

Pen To Paper- Stopping Stigmas, 

One Word At A Time! 

WORDS MATTER; Words are your weapon, use them wisely. One positive word at a time.

Your Children Are So Very Precious; So don't lose them - to themselves!

Words are powerful indeed. Words can sometimes be forgotten, but never can never be unspoken, unheard, or un-do damage caused by the careless use of certain words said! I encourage everyone to stop, think and then speak... speak softly, thoughtfully, and kindly.  

GRIEF and LOSS

Some people try to say things like; "get over it already" or "Life goes on". It amazes me to think at that level. Obviously, I know that life literally goes on. However, I feel like life has ended as I know it because it has.
I also know that these are the extreme versions of what awful words can be spoken by others. Even if you mean well by giving advice; please be careful what and how you say things to others, and be sensitive and kind to all humans.

I believe it to be true that we all grieve in our own way, but when it comes to your child [or young adult]; I remain true to my opinion that we as mothers never really "Get Over It"...

...We just have to find a New Normal.

Loss stops you, drops you, and rolls your life into a new one. A hypothetical mental and physical meltdown occurs; unintentionally, but inevitably with grief, this happens. 

At least to me, it did.

 

The important thing to remember here is that ... I recovered and I wasn't sure whether I was going to or not. 
I wanted to feel better, I wasn't trying to remain sad-grief stricken forever. Although the will had to come from inside me. 

Everyone grieves at their own levels and amounts of time. Just let it happen (healthily), and don't forget to take care of yourself. This is very important to the healing process! If this little miss sensitive like me did it, anyone can.

 Hug, love, and communicate with your children -DAILY; like there will be no more days with them [your children]. 

Because you just don't know when we will lose them; nor to what or who we will lose them to. 

And let me tell you this; you can be the best parent in the world and still lose them; to themselves [suicide]! 
So, Please Do Not fall into the thinking trap that your child/teenager/young adult "would never do that". 

Our children are not quite the same people around us as they are others. Our parents have a sort of "fear factor" about us. Sometimes they just don't want us to be disappointed in them, so they put on an act. 

If you don't want to believe that your child/teenager lies to you at least a few times a week or more; they don't believe me... just pay attention to what you might not normally, do so much.

Please, take a lesson from my misery...

https://facebook.com/StopSuicideOneStigmaAtATime

God Bless you and yours.

IF I CAN SAVE EVEN ONE PERSON FROM HURTING THEMSELVES, WORDS DO MATTER!

Tavin's Music Click Here: Tavin's Music

As Grieving Parents; This Is What We Wish For...

One Of My GREATEST Losses names was 

TAVIN W.M. JARRARD

I miss him daily and dearly!

This pretty much sums it up for me;

When You Lose a Child [of any age] 

to themselves or otherwise...

Here is a partial list of such wishes: 

1)  I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child lived and was important and I need to hear his name. 

2)  If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it is not because you have hurt me; the fact that my child died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

3)  I wish you would not "kill" my child again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances. 

4)    I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you would not think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling. 

5)      I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you would not compare it to your loss of a parent, a spouse, or a pet. 

6) Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you would not shy away from me. 

7)   I wish you knew all of the "crazy" grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following the death of a child. 

8) I wish you would not expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be "cured" or a "former bereaved parent", but will forevermore be a "recovering bereaved parent". 

9) I wish you understood the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses, and be accident-prone all of which may be related to my grief. 

10)     Our child’s birthday, the anniversary of his death, and holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you would tell us that you are thinking about our child these days, and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about our child and don’t try to coerce us into being cheerful. 

11)   It is normal and good that most of us re-examine our faith, values, and beliefs after losing a child. We will question things we have been taught all our lives and hopefully come to some new understanding with our God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion without making me feel guilty. 

12) I wish you would not offer me drinks or drugs. These are just temporary crutches, and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal. 

13) I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my child died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to "get back to my old self", you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values, and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me - - maybe you will still like me... 


Instead of sitting around and waiting for our wishes to come true, we need to educate the stigmas away! 

(Borrowed From and Appreciated)By: Grieving Mothers

facebook.com/StopSuicideOneStigmaAtATime

Notice, Love and Talk to your family!

Take time every day to notice, love and talk to your family. You never know when you are not going to have them anymore. 

Life can be short, and we all have the same 24 hours in a day; it is what you do with it that matters!

See My Facebook Page- Stop Suicide; One Stigma At A Time

OR for more reading, same blog...

https://tavinhislifeourloss.blogspot.com/2016/12/your-children-are-so-very-precious-save.html

Mental Illness Sucks!

I am just saying...

I'm Just Saying...
Talk with your kids every day.. [Let me say that again] Talk WITH Your kids every day; 
Not AT them. 
Let them have a "word in edgewise". I am just saying, that if you have not thought of your relationship with your "babies"; then you should.
I am not trying to be a know it all, because I'll be the first to tell you that I Do Not Know It All (wish I did, but maybe you can learn from my mistakes).
So, just please take the time to know who THEY ARE and what they want to do with their lives. Support them NO Matter what they come up with. Don't discourage things too quickly, give your opinion with an open mind and keep their feelings in mind.
When it comes to mental illness; it is not a "cut and dry" type of illness, it has many branches and variations. It takes practice, patience, and professionals to overcome.
I am just saying that if you know your offspring are struggling with any problem they need help working through; I would hope that you would be OPEN and understanding enough to help them through it, or informed enough to know when it is more than you can handle and call a professional for advice. 

I say what I say, and share what I share in the hopes of saving a life or two or as many as I possible can!
I am just saying...