Do not feel sorry for me...

Instead of feeling sorry for my painful loss; use it to create a desire to want to help. Use the energy you would use up shedding some tears, or a moment of compassion, into a movement!  Talk to your kids first and foremost; make sure they are confident, mentally healthy, and completely happy. Then branch out to their friends; do they know someone who is going through a tough time? You might be the link/connection that they so desperately need.

Someone is struggling with mental illness and is possibly contemplating suicide; yes, right now... So, if u know or know someone who could probably, and more than likely would love to have someone ask them how they are doing. Wouldn't that be so awesome if your phone call made them realize that they are in others' thoughts, and changed their mind!?!?

After losing my 
eldest Son to himself (suicide), I felt an extreme amount of guilt for not seeing how much of a dire straits he was in. Also because we were extremely close, we talked about anything and everything too. So, no matter how well you think you know your child (are you really sure about that)? He was so convinced that by doing that, it was what was supposed to happen.

 I tried repeatedly to keep him in counseling, by the time; he was a teenager who had strong opinions and reasons why he didn't want to go.  

 I am hoping that others can and will learn from our errors in judgment and losses due to those mistakes.  I feel like we all take something or someone for granted at least once in our lives. But please do not fall victim to the STIGMAS surrounding the neglected topic of suicide. The infamous belief of some parents that think, "That would never happen to me". 

If you don't take the time to do and say the things you need and want to... sometimes you lose those chances sooner, than later.

So, to keep a longer story shorter; if he had found help and kept the faith; he would have seen how successful his music has become. Not to mention all the tears that have been shed from his loss. With more and more of the "Lessons from the Light" that I receive;  the more I am convinced that he does know.

Believe me when I tell you that some days it feels like the day of discovery for me and definitely not many years. So, please never allow yourself to tell someone to "get over it already"; because I'm convinced that is a loss a Parent cannot ever fully "get over". You must learn to live without them, it hasn't been easy. Honestly, there are days are wish I hadn't woke up to the pain of yet another day without my eldest Son.

HTTPS://Facebook.com/StopSuicideOneStigmaAtATime

Happy Birthday In Heaven, my Son. Suicide is a drastic END to temporary Problems.

Suicide is a drastic END to temporary Problems.
https://facebook.com/stopsuicideonestigmaatatime        come back to this link.

Suicide is a drastic END to temporary Problems.
My sweet eldest son,  we still miss him every day! He would have been 35 years old as of 1/22/25, his angel-versary date (9-12-2010), is a once-a-year occurrence; however, I feel it every single day!. I continue dealing with grief without him, I am so grateful for at least having him (Tavin) for any amount of time. 
 This is not all about myself, it is about our family and friends, and the people who looked up to him, and still ask "Why?". There isn't always an easy answer or one answer, it is more of an essay-sized answer. Even then, only he knows his true reasons.
This is also my way of helping others learn through the digital media, that suicide is NOT glamorous or a way to be heard. However, it is a drastic end to our temporary problems. 

I hope NO ONE EVER has to go through this kind or any kind of loss when it comes to your children; it cuts much deeper than any other kind. Not to lessen anyone's pain and grief, it just hits differ

To hear his music YouTube

Stop Suicide One Stigma At A Time

https://letstalkjiveturkey.blogspot.com/2017/02/find-wonderful-in-today-we-all-have.html

If you have children, I'd like to give you some advice.

If you have children then you know just how very strong this bond is; so hold on to them (but not too tight), teach them well, and let them know each and every day just how very much you love and care about them!   

I must warn you the song/video at the end of this entry; is my eldest's sons song. He wrote it, produced it, composed it, sang it and lived it (as well as died). It is extremely sad. It isn't a diary, but it he speaks of many hard truths.

Just because we do not have the same taste in our kids' music, Or you want them to grow up to be _____; it doesn't matter what you want!!! It is our job as parents to support them in their decisions. My son told me exactly what and where I went wrong, I should have been supporting his music. In another song: Talent Gone To Waste. My mistakes may help you with your children, maybe; maybe not.

This was a suicide note [song], that my eldest son wrote, sang, produced and composed.

Click HERE to Listen to my son's "Alone" Song.

                                                                           

                                                                                                   

I Do NOT want this to happen to anyone else!!! 

I hope to bring more awareness to the serious subject of suicide. I am praying to prevent people from feeling like they have no other alternative. As an attempted suicide survivor and survivor of loss, due to suicide myself; I can tell you that I, unfortunately, have a great deal of knowledge. I feel that it is valuable enough information to pass along to others. I also hope for the best in life for everyone and your families.

               Click HERE To Listen to my eldest son's "Alone" Song.

Extremely Sad!

Words Matter!

You can be the best parent in the world and still lose people to "themselves"; to the demons that cause us to attempt and/or succeed in suicide.

Suicide Sucks!

Mental Illness Sucks! 
Please seek help if you are feeling down, there are so many more moments of joy to come.

What I would like others to know about the effects of suicide...

What I would like others to know about the effects of suicide... 

First and foremost; IT IS PERMANENT!

The effects are forever, every day, every hour, every minute...

EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY! 

You don't get to come back and say "I am sorry, I never should have taken my own life". The strange thing about this is the fact that I ponder, I struggle, like many people. We feel the need to always be at a certain level of emotion. We cannot always be positive and happy; but nor should we be sad and depressed constantly. We have to find joy in the little things in life because life is made up of a billion little things to be happy for. 

When you figure out what it is you love doing; DO THAT MORE OFTEN! We all have the same 24 hours in a day, it is how you choose to spend yours that counts!

Losing our loved ones leaves holes in the heart that are not as easily repaired. Love your people NOW Before it's too late!

To anyone feeling like a little less than- I applaud you for getting up and trying again. giving up is the only result you will have. If you keep going, the possibilities will keep going as well.

Sending out hugs and admiration for the strong suckers like myself, who just keep finding reasons to get up and do life daily.

Stop Suicide One Stigma At A Time

Suicide Awareness; Be Aware. Stop The Stigma's.

Each and Every DAY Should Be A Day Of Suicide Awareness!

I would like to remind everyone to call their friends and family often. Quit making excuses and pick up the phone. You don't have to commit to an extremely long conversation, just a few minutes can mean the world to them!

I cannot get my son back, but maybe I can save someone else's precious gift from themselves. 

I have been there: the depression, the lack of interest in things that normally would bring on a major dose 

of dopamine. Making it very difficult to even bring about a smile. 

 Sometimes all a person needs is to vent! To let off the extreme pressure of the events in our everyday lives. But, then there are people with a serious mental health problem; known as Depression.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we never had to worry about losing someone we love and cherish! At least to their own taking. 

If you have a friend that suffers from depression; Call them now and again (possibly daily), to make sure they are smiling and finding a reason to get up in the morning.  

After a certain point, if you feel like they are in a more serious place then "just a little down". Or If you are afraid of not being able to help them effectively, then call someone who may have a different outlook on the situation. Even if it seems like you are defying their wishes you may need to call a suicide helpline for them!

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

 

1-800-273-8255

Here is a list of some of the more noticeable warning signs; that your teenager or friend may be in distress:

• Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself.
• Looking for a way to kill oneself, such as searching online or buying a gun.
• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
• Talking about being a burden to others.
• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
• Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.
• Sleeping too little or too much.
• Withdrawing or feeling isolated.
• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
• Displaying extreme mood swings.

Even if you do not know what to say... just lend an ear! 

Or call the helpline yourself and ask them for advice.

Never say Never... It Can Happen To You, I truly hope that it doesn't.

Mourning this guy for over 12 years.  I work and struggle (at times) to keep his memory alive.

Forever Missing and Grieving my eldest Son. Today is Sunday (grandparents day) 12 years ago. Even though tomorrow would actually be the date (September 12th); I am feeling the loss pretty intensely today. 

My thoughts and prayers go out to all of whom have lost a loved one; especially a child and/or a young adult. Grief, no matter the cause is excruciating and mind-jarring. You find a strength that you didn't even know you had; you have it for when you need it.

You NEVER want to MISS them! 

Even if you have had a great relationship, close to them, open and honest, friendly yet with parental pride... you can still lose them to themselves. I need to spread awareness about the stigmatic taboo of suicide. I advocate against suicide because I have lost numerous people... to themselves (suicide). My most traumatic loss has been the loss of my eldest son Tavin; hence the blog title: 

Tavin His Life Our Loss

Life for me after loss is tremendously painful! I choose to focus on other ways of "living" with my grief. If I go to that place in my brain that just bleeds with a longing to have my son back; I simply DO NOT function very well, as you can imagine or maybe you are going through this same loss. I do have days, weeks, months, and years that are not or have not necessarily been funny or positive as stated above. 

 

So, with that all said, I certainly hope everyone reads and enjoys my writings. My ultimate goal is to help others from feeling like they don't have a choice or think they can't go on after a loss. I will tell you it is excruciatingly difficult. However in time, with mental help and perseverance, you CAN get through it. Or at least function again.

StopSuicideOneStigmaAtATime

Read More On Another Blog...   

There are many different posts, and I hope they help.

https://letstalkjiveturkey.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-essentials-for-mental-health.html

 

WORDS MATTER: Words are your weapon, use them wisely. One positive word at a time.

Pen To Paper- Stopping Stigmas, 

One Word At A Time! 

WORDS MATTER; Words are your weapon, use them wisely. One positive word at a time.

Your Children Are So Very Precious; So don't lose them - to themselves!

Words are powerful indeed. Words can sometimes be forgotten, but never can never be unspoken, unheard, or un-do damage caused by the careless use of certain words said! I encourage everyone to stop, think and then speak... speak softly, thoughtfully, and kindly.  

GRIEF and LOSS

Some people try to say things like; "get over it already" or "Life goes on". It amazes me to think at that level. Obviously, I know that life literally goes on. However, I feel like life has ended as I know it because it has.
I also know that these are the extreme versions of what awful words can be spoken by others. Even if you mean well by giving advice; please be careful what and how you say things to others, and be sensitive and kind to all humans.

I believe it to be true that we all grieve in our own way, but when it comes to your child [or young adult]; I remain true to my opinion that we as mothers never really "Get Over It"...

...We just have to find a New Normal.

Loss stops you, drops you, and rolls your life into a new one. A hypothetical mental and physical meltdown occurs; unintentionally, but inevitably with grief, this happens. 

At least to me, it did.

 

The important thing to remember here is that ... I recovered and I wasn't sure whether I was going to or not. 
I wanted to feel better, I wasn't trying to remain sad-grief stricken forever. Although the will had to come from inside me. 

Everyone grieves at their own levels and amounts of time. Just let it happen (healthily), and don't forget to take care of yourself. This is very important to the healing process! If this little miss sensitive like me did it, anyone can.

 Hug, love, and communicate with your children -DAILY; like there will be no more days with them [your children]. 

Because you just don't know when we will lose them; nor to what or who we will lose them to. 

And let me tell you this; you can be the best parent in the world and still lose them; to themselves [suicide]! 
So, Please Do Not fall into the thinking trap that your child/teenager/young adult "would never do that". 

Our children are not quite the same people around us as they are others. Our parents have a sort of "fear factor" about us. Sometimes they just don't want us to be disappointed in them, so they put on an act. 

If you don't want to believe that your child/teenager lies to you at least a few times a week or more; they don't believe me... just pay attention to what you might not normally, do so much.

Please, take a lesson from my misery...

https://facebook.com/StopSuicideOneStigmaAtATime

God Bless you and yours.

IF I CAN SAVE EVEN ONE PERSON FROM HURTING THEMSELVES, WORDS DO MATTER!

Tavin's Music Click Here: Tavin's Music

As Grieving Parents; This Is What We Wish For...

One Of My GREATEST Losses names was 

TAVIN W.M. JARRARD

I miss him daily and dearly!

This pretty much sums it up for me;

When You Lose a Child [of any age] 

to themselves or otherwise...

Here is a partial list of such wishes: 

1)  I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child lived and was important and I need to hear his name. 

2)  If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it is not because you have hurt me; the fact that my child died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

3)  I wish you would not "kill" my child again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances. 

4)    I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you would not think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling. 

5)      I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you would not compare it to your loss of a parent, a spouse, or a pet. 

6) Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you would not shy away from me. 

7)   I wish you knew all of the "crazy" grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following the death of a child. 

8) I wish you would not expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be "cured" or a "former bereaved parent", but will forevermore be a "recovering bereaved parent". 

9) I wish you understood the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses, and be accident-prone all of which may be related to my grief. 

10)     Our child’s birthday, the anniversary of his death, and holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you would tell us that you are thinking about our child these days, and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about our child and don’t try to coerce us into being cheerful. 

11)   It is normal and good that most of us re-examine our faith, values, and beliefs after losing a child. We will question things we have been taught all our lives and hopefully come to some new understanding with our God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion without making me feel guilty. 

12) I wish you would not offer me drinks or drugs. These are just temporary crutches, and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal. 

13) I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my child died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to "get back to my old self", you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values, and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me - - maybe you will still like me... 


Instead of sitting around and waiting for our wishes to come true, we need to educate the stigmas away! 

(Borrowed From and Appreciated)By: Grieving Mothers

facebook.com/StopSuicideOneStigmaAtATime

Notice, Love and Talk to your family!

Take time every day to notice, love and talk to your family. You never know when you are not going to have them anymore. 

Life can be short, and we all have the same 24 hours in a day; it is what you do with it that matters!

See My Facebook Page- Stop Suicide; One Stigma At A Time

OR for more reading, same blog...

https://tavinhislifeourloss.blogspot.com/2016/12/your-children-are-so-very-precious-save.html

Mental Illness Sucks!

I am just saying...

I'm Just Saying...
Talk with your kids every day.. [Let me say that again] Talk WITH Your kids every day; 
Not AT them. 
Let them have a "word in edgewise". I am just saying, that if you have not thought of your relationship with your "babies"; then you should.
I am not trying to be a know it all, because I'll be the first to tell you that I Do Not Know It All (wish I did, but maybe you can learn from my mistakes).
So, just please take the time to know who THEY ARE and what they want to do with their lives. Support them NO Matter what they come up with. Don't discourage things too quickly, give your opinion with an open mind and keep their feelings in mind.
When it comes to mental illness; it is not a "cut and dry" type of illness, it has many branches and variations. It takes practice, patience, and professionals to overcome.
I am just saying that if you know your offspring are struggling with any problem they need help working through; I would hope that you would be OPEN and understanding enough to help them through it, or informed enough to know when it is more than you can handle and call a professional for advice. 

I say what I say, and share what I share in the hopes of saving a life or two or as many as I possible can!
I am just saying...

You ONLY get just so many "tomorrows" and "laters"...

You ONLY get just so many "tomorrows" and "laters" in our lives! 

Don't put off the people that need you the most; it isn't just about getting the little things done, the housework can wait but your precious offspring cannot! Help them to achieve whatever it is that makes them truly happy and satisfied within themselves.  Even if it isn't what you or the family thought that they should do.

Once again I ponder on my actions in life.  Regret last a lifetime! I don't want anyone else to ever have to experience the loss of a child/young adult; especially to suicide. I want others to learn from the mistakes that our family made in handling the tender emotions of  one of my sons.

I miss  Tavin so incredibly much;  he is within my heart, mind, and soul daily!      I hope his friends do not and will not; ever forget him. He will always remain so very important to me and so terribly missed by me and our family. 

His siblings and I ache for him every single day. Don't let suicide become any of your family's option! Get help for the whole family, not just the one struggling with these thoughts!

 

Hear what his heart had to say in these heart-wrenching words that he wrote and sang. 

So very intelligent and talented; 

not a coward like some people stereotype suicide victims (of themselves and mental anguishes) as!

Click here or picture/link to go to YouTube.

Missing Him Daily!

I miss him every day, I know there are others that do as well. 

My heart goes out to the many, many people that showed their compassion for our tragic loss. 

I hope his peeps are making their lives fabulous; as well as, reaching high and deep to reach their goals.

XOXOXOX 

Peace & Mad Love !

I miss him daily!

So very handsome (if I do say so myself; and I do say)!

It is hard to believe that he would have turned 28 years old this past month if he were here.

Instead, he is forever 21.

https://facebook.com/StopSuicideOneStigmaAtATime

Tavin W M Jarrard; My Legend, My Son!

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of our beloved Tav. Losing him has left a tremendous void in our hearts.

He poured his heart and soul into his music.  
Give your kids a chance to explore their own talents, and support them, even if it might not be the first genre of choice.

 I am glad to have his music; even with the bittersweet lyrics.

Sir T's (Tavin's) Music needs to be heard and bumpin' in his peeps cars; he worked so hard to make his music great! 
Some of his songs do have some explicit content, it is not for everyone.

               Give a listen to my eldest son's music on:   
WARNING It Is Very Sad.

        http://www.reverbnation.com/sirtavin

"Alone" on YouTube